Most of the time, couples don’t go to couples counseling because they are in denial about how bad the relationship problems really are. For many, avoiding couples counseling is like avoiding facing the reality about their marriage. Even when couples counseling is agreed upon by a couple, many other questions arise about what the experience is going to be like and the anxiety of the unknown often deters couples from looking for a counselor as well.
Here are some quick answers to the most common questions about couples counseling:
What is couples counseling?
It is when a licensed therapist or psychologist helps a couple reach their goals within their relationship. This can include identifying unhealthy and destructive patterns that perpetuate the problem, teach healthy communication skills and help increase listening skills, etc.
Do we need couples counseling?
If you have to ask yourself that question, the answer is most likely yes. Usually our gut tells us something is wrong much sooner than our minds are ready to accept it.
Will the therapist try to break me and my partner up?
No. Good therapists (aka counselors) do not have their own agenda when it comes to the future of your relationship. Many couples go to couples therapy as their last hope to try and stay together or to save their relationship from becoming emotionally dead. Others go to learn how to split amicably. The therapist will follow your lead on what you want for your relationship.
Will the therapist choose sides between myself and my partner?
Good counselors don’t pick sides, understanding that each partner has their own perceptions of a situation. However, counselors will identify strengths in each partner’s perspective, which may feel to you as if the therapist is choosing sides.
Will my therapist fix our relationship problems?
No. A therapist is a mediator between the couple and will help give the couple the right tools to get their relationship back on track. To fix the relationship problems, the couple has to make their relationship a priority, work hard at changing the way they relate to each other and be open to hearing feedback on how they can improve. It is up to the couple to use the tools given by the therapist constructively to create a marriage that they are both happy in.
How long will we have to be in counseling?
It depends on the nature of the problem, how complex it is and how invested both partners are in the counseling. Not sharing full details, not prioritizing the counseling or being resistant to change all lengthen the time that the couple is in counseling.
Will our counselor share information with others?
No. Counselors are bound by law to maintain confidentiality in anything that goes on in the sessions private. Information will be provided to other parties only after the couple consents to sharing information. For example, sometimes it is helpful for the counselor to talk to your physician about your medical history or to talk to your attorney if you are in a custody battle, etc. The only time information will be given without your consent is if the counselor suspects either partner is going to harm him/herself, harm someone else, or suspected child abuse.
How will my insurance be affected by going to couples counseling?
While it depends on each insurance company, your current policy should not be affected. In most cases, mental health services or even a mental health diagnosis (e.g. Depression) do not affect the ability to get insurance in the future either.
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