South Asian Relationships: Signs of Physical Abuse

South Asian physical abuse
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When people talk about domestic violence, they often refer to physical abuse of their partner. Physical abuse is one type of domestic abuse that uses physical force or violence which causes bodily injury, pain or impairment. Physical abuse includes assault, battery and inappropriate restraint. Regardless of the specific behavior of the abuser, physical abuse makes the victim feel unsafe.

Often, South Asians imagine physical abuse to be what is shown in the movies: brutal beatings leaving the woman badly bruised and bleeding. While this can and does happen to many South Asian women living in their country of origin as well as abroad, this is only example of physical abuse.

Here is a list of other examples of physical abuse, some which fit the stereotypical image and some that are more subtle. This is not a comprehensive list:

– pushed or shoved you

– held you so you could not leave

– slapped or bitten you

– pulled your hair

– kicked or choked you

– hit or punched your

– thrown objects in your direction

– thrown objects that hit you

– locked you out of the house

– abandoned you in a place you felt unsafe

– refused to help you when you are sick, injured or pregnant

– driven recklessly when you are in the car

– threatened or hurt you with a weapon

It is still considered physical abuse if the incidents seem much less dangerous than that. For instance, in the case of Shabnam and Chetan, throwing his remote toward her but missing her is considered a form of physical abuse. While she did not actually get physically hurt by the remote whizzing past her, he was threatening to injure her and she no longer felt physically safe in his presence.

Many South Asians tend to believe that if there were only one or two instances like that in their relationship that it does not count as abuse. Unfortunately, if it has happened once, it is very likely to happen again. Rather than making excuses for that one time (e.g. “He was very tired that day and lost his patience”) it is important that South Asian men and women identify that as a red flag for future incidents.

Sometimes victims of physical abuse fall into submission and become passive as a way to placate the abuser. If the abuse stops because you’ve limited yourself to actions that don’t upset your abuser, it is still considered physical abuse. While you may no longer be getting physically hurt, the threat of harm is imminent and has affected your  feelings of safety and of being yourself in your relationship.

While some South Asians may find it hard to believe that a woman who is smaller in size can abuse a man, it happens more often than we think. Slapping, hitting, punching or throwing things at a man is all considered physical abuse as well. Men who are physically abused face an additional layer of stigma associated with being abused by a woman and are even less likely to seek help than a woman being abused. Friends and family members might tease him for being weak or not being manly enough to overpower a woman who is smaller than him. However it is not that simple. These comments make abused men feel isolated, alone and increases their chance of developing depression or committing suicide.

Physical abuse, like all other types of abuse, is a form of control. In this case, the abuser uses physical threats and violence to control his victims. In most cases, the violence is preceded by extensive verbal and emotional abuse and always occurs in a cycle which includes a period of no violence for the victim to regain the trust of the abuser.

Learn about the facts of domestic abuse and know how to recognize the signs. If you know anyone, man or woman, who might be experiencing physical abuse, please contact a domestic abuse agency to learn how to safely remove yourself from the situation. Please visit our resources page for a list of Domestic & Family Abuse agencies in your area.

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