What is Grief?

imageThe shock that comes with experiencing a significant loss can make you feel as if the ground has been pulled out from under you. Grief is the natural emotional response to any loss. Losses can vary from the death of a loved one or pet, to the loss of health, a job, a dream or safety after a trauma. Loss can also include experiencing a miscarriage or even losing a friendship.

Grieving this loss comes with a multitude of different emotions including sadness, anger, guilt and frustration. All of these emotions are very normal reactions to grieving as is feeling overwhelmed by these emotions, especially soon after the loss. In addition to emotional reactions, bodily reactions to a loss are also very common. Experiencing fatigue, nausea, changes in weight or sleep, experiencing new aches and pains or lowered immunity are all very common physical responses to grief.

Years ago, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified 5 stages of grief that most people go through: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. While the emotions associated with her stages are very common experiences while grieving, more and more research is finding that grief is not separated into such discrete stages, nor do the emotions exist in this specific order. Additional emotions are also very likely to be experienced during the grieving process beyond these five stages as well.

The most common misconception about grief is that “time will heal”. While time can certainly help ease the initial shock, grief must be faced and actively dealt with for true healing. Grief never completely goes away but with positive and healthy emotion managed strategies, coping with the loss becomes easier over time.

Research has indicated that involving a ritual during the grieving process significantly improves the grief experience and protects against the development of depression. Rituals can include talking about the loss at regular intervals, memorializing the loss through a funeral or a photograph of the loved one or engaging in specific activities on behalf of the loss such as exercise or eating a specific meal. There is no one way to ritualize the loss. The most important factor for the ritual is that it is meaningful to those that are grieving.

As you cope with your loss, the two most important things to do are to get support and to engage in self-care. Reaching out to friends and family, joining a support group or talking to a grief counselor are excellent options in feeling support after a loss. In addition, facing your emotions (as opposed to avoiding them), exercising and eating healthy as well as expressing your grief in a healthy manner (e.g. via laughing or storytelling) are all crucial self-care techniques to help yourself work through your grief.

Finally, plan ahead for triggers, which are reminders for your loss including anniversaries or milestones. Prepare yourself for the possibility of an increased emotional reactions and know that it is entirely normal to feel this way.

Grief is a very normal, natural and devastating experience throughout one’s life. The grief never completely goes away but the ability to cope better does improve over time.

How do you cope with grief? Leave your comments below.

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