Anger is a natural and normal response to very real and inescapable problems in our lives. It can be caused by external or internal events. For example, you could be angry at a specific person, by a specific action or event (such as a traffic jam) or it could be caused by ruminating over situations you are in. When the anger becomes the only emotion a person feels or it begins to hurt someone, that is when anger becomes a problem.
When it comes to managing anger, people who have anger issues tend to suppress or repress their emotion. People who suppress their anger try to hold it in and focus on something more positive as a way to divert attention from it. The problem with this method is that the anger has no place to go but inward. Anger toward the self can be the cause of hypertension, high blood pressure and depression.
Because there is no release, anger is a very real and prominent feeling in their minds that they cannot avoid. People who engage in this type of expression are more likely to engage in passive-aggressive behavior and become resentful or hostile. They are most likely to take their anger out on others by criticizing, putting others down and trying to berate them.
Research has also debunked a myth that venting when angry can help reduce anger. In fact, it has been shown that letting it all out can actually escalate anger and aggression, does not help you feel better and does not help with finding a solution.
Another method of managing anger is to calm and soothe yourself. This means doing everything you can to lower your heart rate and your breathing rate, slowing down the racing thoughts in your mind and letting the feelings melt away. In some instances, calming is not helpful nor is it appropriate.
If you find that as you are breathing deeply your heart rate is not decreasing, calming may not be the right method of expression for you at that time. The other downside of calming is that if your anger was due to unmet needs, you are still not expressing them and are likely to experience the frustration of unmet needs again in the future.
The healthiest way to manage anger is to express it assertively. This is not to be confused with aggressively which involves controlling or hurting others or being demanding. Examples of assertive expression of anger include clearly stating what you need, not minimizing your experience or needs, and expressing overtly when a need is not being met. While this may seem self-centered to South Asians who value others’ needs over individual needs, it is important to remember that loved ones are not mind readers nor do your needs disappear if you ignore them.
Though anger is a normal and natural emotion, experiencing it consistently or at high levels can take a toll on your physical and emotional health as well as your relationships. People with anger issues are more socially isolated, are in less healthy partnerships and tend to have problems at work. In addition, they are more likely to have compromised immune systems and are at higher risk for strokes, cardiovascular disease and diabetes, three things South Asians are already at high risk for genetically.
If you notice that you have anger management issues, consult with a professional who can help retrain your thoughts and behaviors so you can resume a healthier lifestyle.
How do you manage anger? Please leave your comments below.