Being closely attuned and attentive toward your children is a necessary part of being a good parent. However, it is not sufficient to being a good parent. Many South Asian parents, while they focus intensely on their children’s needs, forget to take care of themselves. As the work, home and family stress starts to build, South Asian parents forget that children pick up on and respond to this stress no matter how hard the parents try to hide it from their children.
Parental and family stress takes a significant toll on children. From affecting their physical health to their behavior and emotions, South Asian children show numerous signs when their parents’ or family’s stress levels are going too high. Here are some of the most common effects of parental and family stress on children:
1. Higher rate of fevers. Researchers at University of Rochester have identified that fevers, an objective measurement of illness, are much more common in children whose parents experience high levels of stress. This finding is an indication that children whose parents or families are under significant or chronic stress have an increased susceptibility to infections.
2. Increased behavior problems. Children are very perceptive and even if the parents are trying to hide their stress, very rarely do children pick up on it. Often, behavior problems arise as a result of a stressful home environment. For some children, it is because they believe if they create a diversion, the parents will shift their attention from the current stress to the child, which the child believes is a solution to the stressful situation. Other children ,whose parents express stress by anger, yelling or snapping, learn that acting out when anxious or scared is the appropriate way to express themselves. They may pick fights with peers at school or talk back to their siblings or parents or worse. This is also seen in children as young as infants who become fussier, eat less efficiently and spit up more when the parents are under stress.
3. Sudden change in academic performance. Teachers may report that the child looks more distracted, less engaged in the class material or less interested in playing with other children. Being in a stressful environment is taxing on the child’s mind and the student can feel overwhelmed by schoolwork. Research has identified that high levels of chronic stress can damage the parts of the brain associated with learning and memory, which can also explain the altered school performance.
Few students take the opposite extreme and believe that if they work extra hard and get good grades, they can solve their parents problems so they become over focused on schoolwork. They learn that their success is the determining factor to keep their family health and happy, a responsibility too large for a child to take on. This adds to the child’s stress and can cause long term health problems as they grow.
4. Increase in depressive and anxiety symptoms. In a study conducted by the American Psychological Association, children whose parents experienced significant or chronic stress reported feeling sad, worried and helpless very often. It is important for South Asian parents to be aware of the signs of depression and anxiety in children so they can identify them, seek appropriate treatment and make the necessary changes as soon as possible.
5. Permanent changes to the DNA. Researchers at the University of British Columbia published a study in 2011 stating that parental stress during the child’s early years, especially the first year of life, can affect the child’s genes and how the genes are expressed as they grow. This is the first study of its kind to monitor children over several years to see the long-term effects of stress on the child’s genes and genetic expression.
6. Children become over-reactive. When exposed to stress in the home on a regular basis, children learn to become hypervigilant about their surroundings. Thus their threshold for managing stress lowers and as they grow, the children and adolescents begin to overly react to any adverse experience, an unhealthy coping pattern that can lead to other emotional health issues.
The source of parental or family stress can vary widely. The stress can be due to work, finances, in-laws, exposure to violence, unemployment, divorce, or even living with an emotional health issues, especially one that is left untreated (such as depression, postpartum depression or anxiety).
South Asian parents who take time out of their days on a regular basis to manage their stress in a healthy manner are doing their children a great favor. Simply put, if the parents are stressed, the children will be stressed. The better parents take care of themselves, the better they can care for their kids.
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