Numerous research studies and statistics concluding that at least 40% of South Asian women having experienced physical, emotional or sexual abuse by a partner. Recent statistics are also pointing to a similar frequency of partner violence against men as well. With such a high statistic, it is safe to assume that almost every South Asian knows someone who has been or is currently being abused at this time.
Men and women who are abused often feel very lonely. Many people, especially men, may feel embarrassed to talk about their experiences, believing incorrectly that they are to blame. In addition, having a partner who abuses physically, sexually or emotionally can be a very confusing and scary experience.
As a loved one, you may also feel helpless, scared and confused for the person that you care about. Many people feel frustrated that their friend or family remains in the abusive relationship and wishes to do anything to help.
Here are some do’s and don’ts when reaching out to a loved one who is in an abusive relationship:
DO:
– Talk to the victim in private.
– Express your concern calmly and genuinely.
– Provide concrete examples of what you have witnessed that raises red flags for you.
– Listen compassionately.
– Empathize and validate their feelings no matter how hard they are for you to understand.
– Reassure the victim that the conversation is confidential so they can feel safe to broach this subject with you in the future.
– Support their decision regardless of whether you agree. It is the victim’s responsibility to make decisions, not yours. The best thing you can provide is support during this difficult time.
DO NOT:
– Pressure the person to talk or share details. Instead, reassure them that you are available when they feel comfortable to talk.
– Expect the victim to reach out. Embarrassment, shame, threats from their partner to talk to others are just a few reasons why victims don’t initiate conversation with friends or family. If you are concerned, you should make the first move and then continue to check in based on how comfortable the victim feels.
– Tell the victim how they “should” behave, including how they should handle the situation or what they should tell you. The victim is already being controlled by their partner and if they feel controlled by you, they will back away from your friendship.
If you know someone living in an abusive relationship, consider providing the victim with some resources to help them find safety.
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