Passive-aggressive behavior, like all other behavior that can negatively affect a relationship, lies on a continuum. We have all engaged in behavior that has hurt our relationship in one way or the other. Perhaps we’ve criticized when we really should have watched our words more carefully, or we’ve become defensive or passive-aggressive behaviors at one point, perhaps when we were feeling extremely upset or like our words don’t seem very important to our partners.
Passive-aggressive behavior, like all other behavior that can negatively affect a relationship, lies on a continuum. We have all engaged in behavior that has hurt our relationship in one way or the other. Perhaps we’ve criticized when we really should have watched our words more carefully, and stopped a constructive conversation from happening. Similarly, we’ve all used While these behaviors are detrimental to the relationship, in healthy marriages couples can recover from such harmful behavior. In addition, healthy couples only engage in these types of behaviors once a while. It is not a standard practice on how to manage negative emotion.
In unhealthy couples, passive-aggressive behavior is seen repetitively and if you step back you will notice that there is a consistent pattern of behavior. Aside from the actual behaviors they can engage in indicating that they are being passive-aggressive, another, often more reliable, way to tell if your partner is habitually passive aggressive is to note how you feel around them:
1) you find yourself dreading having a direct conversation about what they did to upset you
2) you tend to avoid direct conversation to confront what they did to upset you, making excuses that it will do nothing to help the situation
3) you often leave conversations with them feeling like the problems you just discussed or that exist in your relationship are more your fault than theirs
4) you are often frustrated with them because they speak very ambiguously, say things that don’t match their actions, and/or they usually “don’t remember” the incident you are upset about having occurred
5) you often feel embarrassed or upset especially in social situations because they make sarcastic comments about you that tries to communicate hostility or they make jokes at your expense
6) you feel guilty that you might be the cause of some of their problems
7) you feel that they are being so kind, nice and loving toward you but all you do is complain about them when you should be appreciating them more
8 ) you feel sympathy or pity for them because it seems that the world really is against them, no one understands them and they are not appreciated by others
Identifying your own feelings can help truly identify a partner who has a repeated pattern of engaging in passive-aggressive behavior when they feel unhappy, angry or hostile. It is crucial to identify and address habitual passive-aggressive behavior as it is one of the most harmful things for a relationship and for your emotional health and well-being to be in a relationship where you are made to feel any of the above-mentioned emotions repeatedly.
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