Sachin knew he was depressed. For weeks now he felt like he had a low mood, he was sleeping far more than he normally sleeps and the world just looked so much bleaker. He couldn’t pinpoint it to anything specific that caused this depressive episode, but he recognized the feeling. It seemed as if twice a year or so, he would get into this slump where he felt weighed down by something. His face even felt heavier, like it took so much more effort to smile.
He knew his best friend, Rajan, noticed this change. He and Rajan had been friends since they were in 1st grade and he knew Sachin the best out of anyone in the world. However, Rajan did not dare say anything to Sachin about why he was suddenly acting differently. Last time Sachin felt depressed, Rajan approached him offering help and Sachin snapped at him telling him numerous times to mind his own business.
Oddly, Rajan’s gesture of reaching out is exactly what Sachin needed. He was just too proud and too ashamed of his feelings to admit it. And now, while the two best friends still maintained a close relationship, a rift had been created where they no longer felt comfortable talking about absolutely everything with each other.
Depression strongly affects how we feel, think, and perceive the world. In addition, depression can significantly strain relationships, including intimate partnerships, friendships and connections with our family. One of the most common experiences for people living with depression is how difficult it is to see the positive and how easy it is to focus on the negative. It feels as if negative life events or experiences occur more frequently and are much bigger than the positive ones, which in fact is not true. When we feel depressed, our minds filter out the positive events and focusing on negative experiences perpetuates our experiences of depression.
If you notice yourself feeling down or realize that you are experiencing depression, try this exercise. (This is an altered version of Martin Seligman’s 3 Blessings Exercise.)
Write 3 good things. Grab a notebook and every night before you go to bed, write down three good things that happen to you. They can be anything and need not be extravagant at all. (E.g. On the way to work, there was very little traffic.)
What felt good? Reflect on why that specific event felt good to you. (E.g. I didn’t feel rushed or stressed when I walked into the office so I was more prepared for the day to start.)
What did you do to help make this good event occur? People who are depressed often misattribute the causes of negative events to something about themselves and positive events to something they cannot control. This part of the exercise is important in identifying the role you play in helping a positive event occur. (E.g. I chose a different route to take this morning.)
The answers to these questions can be simple and maybe even obvious, but they are important to identify because it i
s literally helping you to re-train your brain, similar to exercising where you have to re-train your body to be more active than you had been in the past.
Writing these answers down forces you to focus on the questions one at a time without letting your mind wander into more negative thoughts. Writing slows down the thought process and makes it easier to re-train your thoughts. In addition, when you write them down, you are able to look at the situation from a different perspective, which also increases the chance of lifting your mood. Finally, by writing it down, even on your worst days, you will have evidence of positive experiences in the past that you can look at and remind yourself of the true balance of positivity vs. negativity in your life.
Exercises such as these, that fall under the realm of positive psychology, have shown a strong connection between positive thoughts and positive mood. In fact, research in positive psychology has shown significant improvement in depressive symptoms in people with mild to severe depression.
If you find yourself to be depressed, consider seeing a mental health professional and suggest your interest in incorporating positive psychology into your sessions to reduce your depressive symptoms.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this article. Please leave a comment below.