Even if children don’t sit down and watch the news, it is very likely that they know about the events of the world. This is especially true of devastating events such as the recent earthquake in Japan, major wars or other acts of violence around the world. Children might hear something about the event at school, from friends or overhear their parents talking about the disaster at school.
With the pervasiveness of media, including social media, children are well informed and have information at their fingertips. While this can be a great thing in many cases, access to gruesome photos, videos and scary stories are easily made available, which might scare the child. When stories are passed from child to child, they are usually overexaggerated and details are often skewed so children do not get accurate information. When children overhear adults talking, they do not fully understand the whole picture, often leading to a wild imagination and even larger fears about daily life and safety.
If you have a child, younger sibling, neighbor, or cousin, it is very likely they have heard about the recent disaster in Japan. But what do they really know about it and how has it affected what they think? As adults in their lives, it is your responsibility to help them understand difficult and scary events of the world in words that make sense based on the child’s cognitive capabilities.
Here are some tips on how to talk to your child about natural disasters, wars or violence:
1. The best way to find out what the child knows is to simply ask, “Do you know about the earthquake in Japan?” Keep the question open and allow time for your child to think and share what he/she knows. The child might be so scared by the misinformation he/she has received so it may take him/her some time to be able to talk about it.
2. Correct any misinformation gently without making the child feel he/she was wrong in what he believed. The child may already be feeling vulnerable from fear of safety due to the current event and is looking for reassurance from you that they will be safe. Here is an example:
Sachin: The earthquake in Japan was so big that California is going to go underwater soon.
Mom: Yes you’re right the earthquake in Japan was very large. Much larger than most earthquakes. But California won’t go underwater. You know when you and Shaira go to the pool and you try to splash her by kicking your legs? When she’s very close to you what happens? She gets very wet! But if she was on the other side of the pool, your kicks would make the water move and she’d get splashed a little, right? That’s what happened. The earth moved, just like your kicks, and it made the water splash but because California is so far from Japan, we got splashed a little. Let’s look at a map and I’ll show you.
3. Talk to the child in words they can understand. A good rule of thumb is to take the child’s age and add 1. That is about how many words per sentence you should use to speak at the child’s cognitive level so they can understand everything you say.
4. For children under 8, reality and make-believe are intricately tied together. So when they see something on TV, it is as if they are witnessing something happening outside their own house. Limit TV exposure for young children especially if it is showing violent or graphic images. You may also benefit from looking at a map so the child can see for himself how far away the event actually took place from home.
5. Reports about natural disasters, child abductions, homicides, terrorist attacks and school violence can incorrectly portray to the child that the world is a threatening, violent and unfriendly place. News media is skewed to present the negative with very little focus on the positive events of the world. Help the child, especially if he is younger than 8, understand that disastrous and violent events are actually rare.
6. Provide “calm, unequivocal but limited” information. This is just psychology-speak for telling the truth but only providing as much as the child needs to know. Anything beyond that may further scare the child as it might be beyond his/her comprehension.
7. For older children, between the ages of 8 and 14, it may be beneficial to watch the news with them or read online reports or the newspaper together. This can allow you to understand what the child is being exposed to and what information (or misinformation) he/she is receiving. Allow room for discussion and encourage your child to ask you questions.
8. A great way to empower a child who is overwhelmed by the events of the world is to encourage investigating answers together. If you don’t know the answer to a question, don’t make it up but instead get on the computer together and research it to find the answer.
9. Adults should provide their opinions but not state them as absolute truths. Allow room for the child to share his feelings and opinions even if it contradicts the adults’ opinions. Adults often forget that their opinions are based on how they conceptualize a situation, an understand that a 10 year old cannot share with them due to their age and developmental stage.
10. If safety is of utmost concern to the child, he/she may benefit from seeing what safety measures are in place to protect the family. For example, if they recently learned of a nearby robbery, you can have them walk around the house with you as you do your nightly routine of checking windows and doors, or turning on the alarm. Similarly, you can ask the child to help prepare an earthquake kit, etc. Children until the age of about 16 are very concrete. To them, seeing truly is believing.
11. Keep an open mind and encourage discussion whenever you find your child thinking about the issues at hand. Children rarely make a linear connection and can jump to wild conclusions which can further worry or scare them. Answer their questions with empathy and reassure them that their opinions (no matter how different from yours or how irrational) are always welcome.
In addition, be mindful of the child’s reactions to the event. Changes in the child’s daily routine, sleep patterns, eating habits, or mood could indicate signs of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which requires treatment as soon as possible for long-term health. PTSD can form from experiencing an event first hand, witnessing an event (even if it is on TV) or hearing about an event with no images associated. For a consultation, please contact a South Asian mental health professional.
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