Leena shrieked and dropped the phone as she tried to hang up. Her husband, Ankit, ran to the kitchen to see his wife frozen.
“What happened? Are you ok?” asked a worried Ankit.
“We’re having a baby!” screamed Leena. It took a couple of seconds for Ankit to register what his wife had just said. “The doctor just called!”Leena said.
He ran over to her and swung her around. They were both crying and laughing as they celebrated the amazing news.The 30-something couple had talked about starting a family after their 3 year wedding, which had just past 2 months prior. The timing could not be more perfect.
Throughout her pregnancy, Leena glowed. From the day of their first sonogram, Leena and Ankit excitedly started trading name ideas. They painted the nursery together, created a gift registry for their Jack-and-Jill baby shower, and made plans for each of their mothers to be available to help both of them once Leena delivered the baby. Everything about this new chapter in their lives was exciting to both of them.
“You are going to be the best mother in the world,” Anna, Leena’s best friend, told her repeatedly throughout her pregnancy. Leena never admitted this to anyone, but she secretly agreed. She knew she had a good connection with children and was very excited to be a mother.
“It’s a girl!” exclaimed the doctor after 10 hours of labor. Leena and Ankit cried out of joy. They both had talked about wanting a girl first and a boy second. Leena had a relatively easy recovery time and both she and Maya went home two days later where Ankit’s parents had moved into the guest bedroom to help the new parents.
Within a couple of days of returning home, Leena noticed a change in her mood. Everything upset her. Hearing Maya’s cry at 2 in the morning, watching Ankit fall asleep faster than she could, even having her mother-in-law ask her what she wanted for lunch.
“I don’t know!” she yelled on Maya’s 1 week birthday. “Stop asking me all these questions,” she said frustratedly as Maya cried for the 15th time that morning. Maya was actually a fairly easy baby, but to Leena she felt she was very demanding.
Once Ankit returned to work a few days later, her mood became worse. Leena became more and more agitated. She couldn’t sleep even though she was exhausted. She started feeling nauseous constantly and lost her appetite.
“You have to eat, Leena-beti,” said her mother-in-law compassionately. “How will you be able to produce milk for your new baby?”
“I don’t care. I’m so tired and I just don’t care,” Leena said wearily.
“Don’t say that,” said her mother-in-law. “You’re a mother now. It’s the happiest time of your life!” Leena rolled her eyes and just as she was about to go lie down, Maya cried again. Leena picked up Maya and asked her forcefully, “What do you want? I just fed you!”
Her mother-in-law took Maya from her and asked Leena to go into her room to rest. Ankit’s father looked on with concern but Ankit’s mother whispered, “It’s ok. It’s stressful to be a new mother. She’ll be ok.”
But she wasn’t ok. For months, Ankit would come home to find Maya and Leena crying. He often called Leena’s parents for advice on how to help her, but she refused to talk to them. In fact, she had started withdrawing from her friends as well, even those who had recently had babies. No one really knew what the problem was.
When he called his mother for advice, she became frustrated. “You’re such a hands-on father and her parents come up every few weeks to help. I don’t see what she’s so overwhelmed about? It’s motherhood! No one said it was easy.”
That weekend, Leena’s parents came for Maya’s 10 month birthday. They got to see what Ankit was so concerned about. Ankit hoped that if he took Maya out for a walk, Leena could talk to her parents whom she was close with, about what she was going through.
“What’s wrong, Leena? You seem so upset,” asked her father.
“I don’t know!” Leena said emphatically. “Ever since Maya was born, I’ve been so agitated. Everything makes me mad. I can’t sleep well, I don’t have an appetite and I am always nauseated. I don’t know what’s wrong.”
They quickly ruled out all physical ailments and then Leena confided in her father, “Sometimes I wish I didn’t have a baby.” She paused to gauge his reaction. In his typical fashion, he sat with a concerned looked on his face, calmly listening to Leena without judgment. He was always so supportive of anything and she felt so lucky she could say whatever she wanted to him without worrying he would tell her to stop thinking like that.
“I’m such a terrible mother. Who thinks like that?” Leena lamented.
“I did,” interjected her mother who had been listening to the conversation from a distance. Leena was shocked. “After you and Kushal were born, I felt so resentful of being a mother. But who could I tell? Everyone assumes motherhood is the best time of your life. And don’t get me wrong, it’s wonderful to be a mother. But it’s not easy and it’s not perfect.”
Leena almost cried out of relief. She thought she was the only one and it made her feel so much better that her mother, the woman she admired the most, knew the most horrible thoughts and feelings Leena had been having for the past 10 months.
“Leena, why don’t you talk to your doctor about this. See what she can do for you,” suggested her father. Leena seemed skeptical. “You know why they tell you to put on your mask first before helping others on an airplane?” asked her father. “Because that’s the only way that you can best help your loved one. You have to take care of yourself, Leena. You’re doing Maya the biggest disservice of all if you don’t.”
Leena agreed and her doctor explained to her that she had post-partum depression.
Most South Asians do not receive treatment for post-partum depression because of a stigma associated with talking about emotional issues as well as a misconception that motherhood should bring nothing but happiness. It is beyond baby blues and not something that you can just shake off. In it’s mild form, post-partum depression affects 28% of Indian American women and 24% of Indian American women experience severe post-partum depression. Just like depression, post-partum depression is very treatable. Without treatment, post-partum depression has negative affects the emotional development of the baby which can leave lifelong scars as the child grows.
If you think you might have post-partum depression or are interested in being more informed about the signs and symptoms, please contact a mental health professional.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this article. Please leave a comment below.