A teen’s worst nightmare is talking to their parents about awkward and personal topics such as sex, alcohol or drugs. Most teenagers try to avoid these talks as much as possible, choosing to rely on friends for information instead. The downside is, your peers probably know as much as you do. In addition, just as in the game of telephone, as this information is passed from one friend to another, it changes and becomes less and less accurate.
While receiving support from friends is essential, parents can be a very reliable source of education and tips on how to make some of the tough choices that teens face these days. Here are some tips to make these conversations less awkward and more productive:
- Remember that your parent was a teenager once too. While the lifestyles that your parent led might vastly differ from your experience currently, they were young at one point. They have experienced the difficult of being an adolescent, wanting to do things that their parents disapproved of and wanting to engage in some kind of risky behavior, whether it be staying out later than usual or experimenting with drugs or alcohol. Ask them about their experience to make this more of a reality to you. You may be surprised on how many levels you and your parent can actually relate.
- Use your parents’ insights to your advantage. Now that they are older, parents have the insight to look back on their time as a teenager and apply their adult experience. This ability to self-reflect can help guide you as you grow into an adult and have to make tough choices on difficult topics. Think of your parents and their experiences as a secret weapon or a cheat sheet to the challenges of life.
- Tell your parents what you need. Many South Asian teens are afraid of bringing up topics such as dating or drinking with their parents for fear that they are going to get into trouble. Be specific about what you need from them to help the conversation go smoothly. For example you can say something like, “I really want to tell you something but I’m not sure how you’re going to react. So can you just listen as I tell you what’s going on? And then I could use your advice on what to do.” Most South Asian parents want the best for their children and if you can guide them as to what will help you many of them will do their best to give you what you need.
- Allow your parent to come into your world. Generation gaps exist in all parent-child relationships. The ability to relate in both directions is something every parent and child has to learn to navigate. As a teen, if you can introduce your parent into your world, they will get to know you better and when you need, can advise you in ways that better suit your reality. Show them how you spend your time, how you connect with your friends (e.g. texting versus going to each others’ houses), and what your favorite activities are. The better they know you, the more open they will be to addressing situations they never found themselves in as teenagers.
- Get creative to find a way to communicate effectively. Most teens have a tendency to tune out when parents are talking. Especially if it feels like the parent is lecturing you, it’s a natural reaction to not want to listen. However, this often results in teens missing some important advice or life lessons that a parent can offer. Not all conversations need to happen face to face at the dining room table. If those conversations become dry, dull or unproductive, try something else. Go for walks, work in the garden together, or go for a drive when you have these talks. Sometimes this suits the parent-child relationship better and you’re both more likely to communicate more effectively.
- Remember they have an investment in you too. Though it might seem that parents are just out to ruin your life sometimes, remember that they have sacrificed their lives to give you the life that you have. If you ever start to feel like they are saying something because they don’t care, remind yourself of this. You wouldn’t exist if they felt like their independence and their life before you were born was better than having you in the family.
- If you notice you’re getting mad, slow down. Arguments between teenagers and parents are a frequent occurrence and very normal for the relationship development. However, minimizing arguments can result in more effective and successful conversations. If you would like your parent to not be angry with you, you should also do your best to not be angry with your parent. Breathe deeply, walk away from the conversation or acknowledge that you’re mad and you don’t know how to calm down. When conversations move slowly, both you and your parent will be able to understand each other and not make comments or decisions out of high emotion.
Having tough conversations with your parent is not an easy task. It can be embarrassing, vulnerable and sometimes just annoying. However, parents have a wealth of knowledge that can help you navigate your way through the complexities of adolescence. Being able to talk about it in a healthy manner can put you at an advantage for life success and making good decisions.
What helps you talk to your parents about awkward topics? Please leave your comments below.