Payal and Arpana were out for a walk. Payal had been concerned about how sad and down her best friend had been feeling for months. Her family had experienced numerous stressors in a short period of time and she knew Arpana must be stressed so she suggested taking a walk.
“I’m worried about you,” Payal said. “I hardly see you anymore and you seem to be very stressed. Are you ok?”
Arpana appreciated her friend’s concern. Most of her friends just stopped calling or coming over, asking if she was ok. And while being alone seemed like what Arpana wanted, being out with her best friend reminded her how much she missed having someone reach out and care.
“I’ve been feeling very hopeless. I don’t think there’s anything more I can do to make my life better.” Arpana paused watching Payal’s reaction. She seemed to listen intently and was not judging so Arpana decided to tell her the full truth. “I sometimes think if I was gone, at least the burden I bring to my family.”
Payal’s heart sunk into her stomach. Did her friend say she was thinking about hurting herself? How serious is she? She knew she had to control her reaction because if Arpana thought she was judging her, she might never confide in Payal again. But she didn’t want to appear callous and uncaring. Payal didn’t know what to do.
When someone you love tells you or indicates to you that they are thinking about suicide, it can be a shocking and upsetting moment. Because suicide is not commonly discussed amongst South Asians, it can make it even more difficult to know what to do, how to respond and how to help.
In honor of National Suicide Prevention week (September 5-9, 2011), here are some tips on what to do if you are concerned a loved one is contemplating suicide.
1. Know the signs. Be aware of risk factors and signs that the person might be committing suicide. Some people may not feel comfortable talking about their plans or thoughts. However, if you can recognize the signs of someone contemplating suicide, you can take the first step in addressing the issue, reaching out and showing that you care and want to help. Click here for a full list of warning signs.
2. Ask gentle but specific questions. Do not make assumptions about the person, their wishes or their situation. Ask your loved one gently but directly what is going on. Questions like “Are you thinking about committing suicide?” or “How are you currently coping with everything you are going through?” will show that you take them seriously, do not judge them for feeling the way they do and that you genuinely care about their well-being.
3. It’s ok to say the word suicide. Many South Asians worry that by saying the word or talking about suicide will encourage their loved one to do it. This entirely false and a common myth about suicide. In fact, talking about it openly and directly can reduce the risk of your loved one acting on their suicidal ideation.
4. Identify the risk. Find out how seriously your loved one is contemplating suicide. This could be the first time they are telling someone in hopes of reaching out and getting help or they may have been thinking about it for months and already have a plan. Ask questions such as:
Are you thinking about committing suicide?
Do you have a plan on how you would do it? If yes, what is the plan?
Do you have a means to carry out the plan? If yes, how would you do it?
When would you carry out the plan?
5. Contact a suicide hotline. Encourage them to call a suicide hotline and speak to someone who can aid them in getting the help they need. If they are comfortable, stay with them as they call. If they wish to call when they are alone, follow up with your loved one to make sure they have called.
You are also able to call the hotline yourself and inform them of the situation. This way they will already know a bit of the background before your loved one calls them. This call is confidential and they will never inform your loved one that you have provided them information. The hotline can also provide you with tips on how to help your loved one during this difficult time.
6. Seek help immediately if the situation is urgent. If you find yourself in an emergency situation where your loved one is in danger of hurting him/herself immediately, it is very important that you not leave the person alone and call 911.
South Asian children from as young as 9 years of age, boys and girls, men and women can and do commit suicide. With India having the world’s highest suicide rate, it is imperative that South Asians know the signs and talk about this important subject.
Take time this week to educate yourself on suicide risk and prevention and reach out to someone that you are concerned about. The more South Asians talk about it the more likely we are to prevent future tragedies from occurring.