Manju’s job had become a more than full time affair. Working 14 hour per day was stating to take a toll on her. By the end of the day her body hurt and she would be agitated by all of the stress the job was causing her. On top of that she would come home every night to see her husband playing on his computer or watching TV, not having thought about what they were going to eat.
He would say a quick hello and go back to doing what he was doing, not at all acknowledging how tired Manju looked or asking how he could help her. She felt invisible at home and that made her resentful toward him.
Six months prior, their last child left for college leaving the two of them alone in a big house. They decided to make the most of their freedom and decided to try new things. Her favorite new tradition was having a glass of wine with dinner. It was fun and felt like they were on a vacation almost every day.
She didn’t know when it happened but one day she found herself having a glass of wine while she was cooking and then having another one with dinner. It made her feel good after a long day. Wine relaxed her, especially a chilled glass of her favorite fruity chardonnay. Once in a while, after an especially tiring week, she would have pour some Irish cream in her nightly coffee while they watched a movie.
When her children came home for the holidays, her oldest daughter made a passing comment about how she did not realize her mother enjoyed alcohol so much. Manju laughed and said, “There’s a lot about your mother you don’t know! We are reclaiming our youth since you have all moved out.”
When spring arrived, so did the wedding season. Almost every weekend, Manju and her husband would be attending the ceremonies of their friends’ children. Cocktail hour and the reception became a time for her to let loose. She loved the loud music because it tuned out the stressful thoughts that was constantly running through her mind.
Her friends had begun to make comments about how she was drinking liberally at these events. She played off these comments as friends teasing each other and did not take them seriously. What she did not know was that they were talking about her to each other, concerned that she was drinking so much that every wedding she would be buzzed or drunk.
Having a throbbing headache the day following a wedding reception had become an old habit of hers. “We’re just getting too old for staying out so late,” she told her husband in efforts to convince herself she did not have a problem.
During the summer when her children came home, her eldest daughter again remarked at how much her mother was drinking. One day her daughter said outright, “You really should cut down, Mummy. This much alcohol is not good for you every day.” This had been a particularly stressful day for her. It began with an argument with her husband that they had not yet resolved. She felt extra pressure of work that day and when she came home, the house was a mess from her children’s clothes being strewn about. She knew she’d need at least 2 drinks to relax and unwind before beginning to make dinner.
Hearing this from her daughter upset her. “When you grow up and have real responsibilities, you’ll understand how stressful life can be,” Manju said pouring herself a second glass of wine. Every effort her children made to get her to see that she had a problem went unnoticed by Manju until one day her youngest son brought up the incident that no one was supposed to talk about in the family.
“You don’t even remember Ankur’s graduation party!” he said. “You were slurring and talking about weird things that didn’t make any sense. That's not normal! Everyone else remembers that day but you because you drank too much you blacked out!”
“I did not faint in front of others,” Manju said defiantly.
“I know that. I said you blacked out. That means you drank so much that your brain had a temporary memory lapse! That is really bad, Mum! You have to stop!” her son pleaded.
It was at that moment she realized she had two choices. Either she can continue to deny her problem and cause her family increased stress and embarrassment. Or she could admit it and ask for their help so she could find a healthier way of coping with her stress.
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