This is an article in a series of articles illustrating relationship issues of a fictional South Asian couple and the steps that they took to have a a happier, healthier relationship. These articles are meant to provide details examples of how South Asian couples can help themselves have healthier relationships.
This example is purely fictional and is not intended to represent a real couple. Any similarities between this couple and a real life couple are purely coincidental. Sagar and Purvi have been married for 2 years. Sagar was born and raised in the United States, whereas Purvi was born in Bangladesh and she came to the United States when she was about 6 years old. They had been in a relationship for about 4 years prior to getting married; however, they saw each other intermittently as they both were in graduate school in different states during most of those 4 years.
Purvi had graduated with a Masters in Biochemical Engineering prior to the wedding and had a steady job at a large company for several years. Early on in their married life, Purvi decided she wanted to switch careers so she quit her existing job and began searching for different career options. Sagar is a tax attorney and works at a large firm that affords him reasonable hours.
Soon after marriage, Sagar and Purvi began to experience significant marital strain. It began when Sagar’s mother came to visit 2 months after the wedding and clashed with Purvi on how to run the house and how to cook.
After she had left, Sagar asked her how she thought the week with his mother had gone. Purvi answered, “She is a very difficult woman to be around.” Sagar became extremely angry and said, “No she’s not! Why would you say that?” Purvi began recounting the numerous passive-aggressive comments his mother had made to her about her cooking and stated that his mother doesn’t like to hear no for an answer.
“It’s like she’s spoiled or something and used to everyone giving her what she wants,” said Purvi. Sagar retorted defensively, “Did you ever think that maybe you’re the one that’s difficult to be around? Why do you have to say no all the time? Just be more flexible!” Two months into their marriage, Sagar and Purvi had a serious fight about his mother.
Over the two years, they consistently got into arguments that engaged the four horsemen, whether it was over who forgot to do the laundry or why they haven’t seen friends in several weeks:
Sagar was taking 5 minutes to figure out which ingredients went into the gajar halwa one night. Purvi became so frustrated with him that she rolled her eyes and pushed him out of the way. “Here let me do it.” Sagar, upset that he didn’t get any recognition for his effort, walked away saying sarcastically, “Ok boss. Don't say anything about how I at least tried.”
Purvi was in a rush to go to a job interview one morning and forgot to put her cereal bowl and coffee mug in the dishwasher. After dinner, Sagar was ready to do the dishes when he saw Purvi’s mug and bowl from breakfast. He became enraged, “How many times do I have to tell you to put things in the dishwasher? Why can’t you remember anything?” Purvi, hurt and upset by his seeming overreaction to the situation, walked away without saying anything and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the day.
They both felt resentful of each other, stopped appreciating small gestures that one did for the other and had forgotten to 
nurture their friendship, acting and feeling more like enemies than partners.
To get to the bottom of this, Sagar and Purvi must change the way they communicate with each other and also engage in self-reflection to understand why certain things bother them as much as they do.
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