This story is purely fictional and is not intended to represent a real family. Any similarities between this family and a real life family are purely coincidental.
“That can’t be. Only women get depressed,” said the 45 year old Vikram sitting on the exam table at the doctor’s office.
“Actually, depression affects men, women, children and the elderly. Just like a heart attack, the symptoms vary based on gender and age but depression has no boundaries,” said the doctor calmly.
Vikram had just had his physical exam. Overall he was a healthy man, but had perpetual complaints of headaches and stomach irritation. After the results from his blood work came back, the doctor wanted to see him again. His liver enzymes were in the critical range and the doctor wanted to address that as quickly as possible. As soon as Vikram sat down, the doctor asked him about his drinking habits. His wife, Sarika, spoke up before Vikram could deny anything and told the doctor what she had noticed over the last year:
Vikram has had a short temper for as long as I can remember. Any little thing that that would go wrong would upset him greatly. For example if he was trying to open a jar of sauce, if he couldn’t get it open right away, he would harshly set the jar down and yell, “This stupid jar won’t open. There’s something wrong with it.”
Last year, because of the economy, his company had to let many of the employees go, leaving Vikram to do the job of 3 people. He would come home so agitated and upset almost every night. I would at first let it go seeing as how the transition must be hard on him. But it never got better.
One night, I remember, he came home and we were sitting down to eat dinner. When I asked how his day was he snapped at me told me not to ask him. So we ate in silence. He took the first bite of food and threw down his fork in anger. “It’s cold! I come home from a 14 hour day struggling to get things done with my boss breathing down my neck and now my dinner is cold!” He wasn’t saying it in a way to blame me, but more like, “Can’t anything go right today?” His threshold for frustration had dropped so low that something as simple as warming up a plate of food became too much for him to handle. I noticed that I had started tiptoeing around him trying not to upset him. But somehow, something or the other would always upset him.
Around March of this year, he came home from work one day and suggested that we have “cocktail hour”. One of his coworkers suggested that as a way to unwind from the day and to spend time with his wife. I thought it was a great idea and for a while things really started to look up. He seemed more energetic and far less stressed.
I was so relieved that things were getting better that I didn’t notice he had started drinking quite a bit more. At first we would finish one bottle of wine. He then opened a second and finished it himself. Eventually he switched to scotch and would drink scotch in addition to wine. Sometimes he would drink 5-6 glasses of alcohol in one evening!
When we went to someone’s house for dinner, to a party or went out with friends to a restaurant he would drink the most out of anyone. He always said that he was just buzzed and relaxed but it was noticeable to everyone that he was more drunk than what was appropriate for the situation.
One evening, I sat him down and expressed my concern. “Vikram, do you think you should maybe reduce how much you drink? You’ve been drinking a lot lately and I’m getting concerned.”
He became very upset and defensive. “Why are you trying to take away the one thing that helps me unwind? I’ve finally found a way to relax. Weren’t you the one always complaining that I was too stressed and upset all the time? You should be glad that I’m finally feeling better!”
“I know things are better for you now. But I’m worried that your drinking is just covering up what’s stressing you,” I said to him carefully.
“Oh my god Sarika you’ve been watching too much Oprah and Intervention. I am not an alcoholic!” Vikram yelled.
The doctor had been carefully writing all of the details down. He looked up to see Vikram embarrassed and slightly irritated that his wife divulged so much information.
“I do agree that you are not an alcoholic,” said the doctor, trying to make Vikram feel more comfortable. Vikram sat up a little straighter, happy that his doctor agreed with him, and shot Sarika a smug look sending her the message, “I told you so.”
“Among many things, alcoholics would feel significantly impairing symptoms if they stopped drinking, such as sweating and nausea, none of which you have,” said the doctor. Vikram nodded emphatically.
“However, in reviewing your chart, I notice that you are experiencing intestinal problems that we haven’t been able to pinpoint the cause for as well as recurring headaches with no physical cause. In addition, hearing about your pattern of drinking, my concern is that you might be depressed,” said the doctor cautiously.
“That can’t be. Only women get depressed,” said the 45 year old Vikram sitting on the exam table at the doctor’s office.
“Actually, depression affects men women, children and the elderly. Just like a heart attack, the symptoms vary based on gender and age but depression has no boundaries,” said the doctor calmly.
“But I don’t cry and I’m not sad,” Vikram retorted defensively.
“In South Asians, especially in men, depression is often manifested as irritability, anger and frustration, which according to your wife you’ve struggled with for years, correct?” the doctor asked.
Vikram nodded, lowering his head a little.
“In addition, your stomach problems and headaches are also a common symptom of depression. That doesn’t mean they’re in your head, but that instead of there being a physical cause, there is an emotional one,” explained the doctor.
“Many times when people are depressed, they resort to self-medication like you did with alcohol. By drinking, you were masking the symptoms of depression making it appear as if you were feeling better when in fact you were simply hiding them. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Yes,” said Vikram quietly.
“So how do we treat this?” asked Sarika.
“I strongly recommend eliminating your alcohol intake until we can manage the symptoms better. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day 5-6 days a week. You can do anything, go for a walk, swim, ride a bike, lift weights. I would also recommend that you consider seeing a psychologist to treat the depression,” stated the doctor.
“No, I’m not going to go talk to anyone,” stated Vikram defiantly. “I’m not crazy. Give me a medicine or something and it will go away.”
“I can certainly prescribe you anti-depressants if you wish. However, it will not help you learn how to better manage the stress in your life, which is key to long term recovery from depression,” the doctor explained.
Sarika urged Vikram to consider talking to someone. “If you don’t see a difference in a few weeks, we can get the prescription for the medication. Just try, ok?” she asked and Vikram agreed.
“And Vikram,” said the doctor, “having depression doesn’t mean you’re crazy. It just means that you’ve been through a lot and your body is asking you to take care of yourself.”
If you or someone you know might be depressed, please see your physician or a mental health care professional right away. Depression is one of the most easily treatable emotional health conditions and with the right treatment, you can resume living a healthy life.
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