Healthy Relationship Tip #9: Do New Things Together

Research has found that couples who engage in new activities together report a higher rate of happiness. This may be because it reminds them of the excitement and happiness from early on in their relationship and because it gets them out of their usual routine which can become tiresome. In addition, it can help strengthen their friendship, which is a strong predictor of healthy relationships.

South Asian relationships specifically tend to fall victim to routines and schedules because of how the culture conceptualizes relationships. Prior to having children, roles within the couple become fixed quickly and tend not to be very flexible. For example, the woman will cook dinner every night so they can eat at 7:30 pm even if she works and they will only go out to eat on Friday nights if they have no plans. This leaves very little room to incorporate creativity into the relationship as both parties tend to settle into their roles quickly and have a difficult time thinking outside of their established routine.

After having children, South Asian couples tend to prioritize being parents above being partners, friends and lovers. While this happens to almost all new parents at the beginning, South Asians have a strong value that being parents is the number one task, and any individual or couple-related needs are prioritized lower for the most of the child’s life. This helps South Asian parents be quite attentive to their children and dedicate themselves selflessly to the well-being of their child.

This value also makes it more likely to negatively impact the relationship since taking care of the relationship is no longer as highly prioritized as before. South Asian couples tend to fall trap to the negative patterns of relationships, believing that what matters most is that their children are happy and that they are strong parents. However, a difficult and unhealthy marriage does in fact significantly affect their children’s happiness. If the relationship was already an unhealthy one prior to having children, prioritizing children over the relationship can quickly corrode the marriage.

Contrary to commonly held belief amongst South Asians, the best thing you can do for your child is to take care of your relationship. It helps the child feel more secure if things are happy and healthy at home and they will grow up with a strong, positive model of what a relationship should be.

Taking time away from your daily or weekly duties to do something fun and new for yourselves is a fantastic way to re-energize and re-strengthen your relationship. Here is a list of 50 fun activities that couples in all stages of the relationship can enjoy. Although you may have done some of them by yourself or with friends, consider doing them again just with your significant other. Sit down with your partner and identify the ones you’ve already done together and then pick one or two to do this weekend.

1) Find a new trail and go for a hike.
2) Take a hobby class in a subject that neither of you knows anything about. (e.g. dance, pottery, martial arts, yoga, etc.)
3) Go to a local museum and check out the newest exhibit.
4) Take a walk on the beach or boardwalk.
5) Have an early dinner at home and go out for dessert.
6) Exercise together (e.g. go to the gym, play tennis or badminton)
7) Go on a weekend getaway to a nearby destination.
8 ) Watch a movie in the theater
9) Go on a sight-seeing tour of local attractions and landmarks that you haven’t seen (e.g. Mission San Jose in Fremont, CA or Coit Tower in San Francisco, etc.)
10) Go dancing at a club or ballroom dancing studio
11) Play board games
12) Get a couple’s massage
13) Play card games
14) Have a date night at a restaurant where you met or had your first date.
15) Turn on a romantic song and slow dance in your house
16) Go on a dinner cruise
17) Have a picnic at a local park
18) Go wine tasting
19) Go paddle boating or canoeing in a nearby lake
20) Go to a local spa and sit in the hot tub
21) Try a new thrill activity (e.g. water skiing, bungee jumping, roller coasters, etc.)
22) See a play or musical
23) Play golf (or mini golf)
24) Go skiing or snowboarding
25) Attend a music concert
26) Visit the nearest aquarium
27) Make reservations at a fancy restaurant and dress up for dinner
28) Take a tour of nearby factories (e.g. Boudin Bakery, Jelly Belly, Budweiser etc.)
29) Sing Karaoke
30) Do a crossword puzzle or Sudoku together
31) Go to a sporting event (e.g. baseball, basketball or football)
32) Choose 1 weekend and on each day, one partner plans a surprise for the other
33) Go on a scenic drive
34) Have a caricature drawn
35) Go to a local drive-in movie
36) Go roller skating, rollerblading or ice skating
37) Play pool
38) Go bowling
39) Have dinner at a restaurant with live music
40) Attend a mystery theater dinner
41) See a comedy show
42) Go to a fancy coffee shop nearby and share a treat
43) Visit the local fair
44) Visit nearby gardens (e.g. Japanse Tea Gardens in San Francisco or Rose Garden in San Jose)
45) Test drive your dream car
46) Visit a pet adoption agency
47) Go to a farmer’s market
48) Go bike riding
49) Do volunteer work together (e.g. Habitat for Humanity, etc.)
50) Take a couple’s cooking class

Which one(s) will you do this weekend?

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