Suresh had never experienced an ecstasy such as this one. He was head over heels in love with his brand new daughter. The tears just flowed as he held her for the first time, staring at her perfect round nose and pouting pink lip. He became even more enamored with and amazed by his incredibly strong wife. She had created this beautiful little baby and without any complaints, delivered her after 11 hours of labor. She had a strength he could never even begin to comprehend and he loved her so much for it.
The joy only increased as he called their families, told their friends and began preparing for Baby Saniya’s trip home. Suresh dreamt of the first time he would carry her in the house, show Saniya her new room that he painted with his own hands, wrap her in her first homemade blanket. The feeling of elation was just indescribable.
The first couple weeks went as well as can be expected having a newborn baby in the house. Suresh and Madhuri were waking up every 2 hours to feed Saniya and change her diapers. He tried to let Madhuri sleep and didn’t mind rocking Saniya back to sleep through the night. But at the end of three weeks, and toward the end of his paternity leave, things began to change.
The sound of Saniya’s cry starting to sound like nails on a chalkboard to Suresh. He started to feel like the walls of the house were closing in on him when he was at home and began to look forward to going to work. While at work, he started feeling the stress of keeping up with the tasks and deadlines which proved to be very difficult when he felt so tired. He would come home only to feel nauseated at seeing diapers, baby bottles or the nursery. He hated the smell of baby powder and cringed when he heard his wife talking to Saniya in baby talk.
With both Suresh and Madhuri both running on minimal sleep, their tempers were short, especially with each other. Piled on, for Suresh, were pressures from work which made him cranky, irritable and highly anxious.
Every year in the US, 1,000 – 3,000 new fathers become depressed after the birth of a new baby. Male post-partum depression is a very real and serious experience that has long-term consequences for the man and his partner. It also has long-term consequences on child development.
What Causes Male Postpartum Depression in South Asians?
A number of factors combine to act as risk factors for the development of male postpartum depression. For one, when a child is born, men also experience a shift in hormones. Their testosterone levels drop and their estrogen levels increase which can have significant effects on a man’s emotions. In addition, lack of sleep, the added anxiety of taking care of new life as well as learning to transition into a new life stage all have an effect on how a new South Asian father might feel.
In addition, being a South Asian male with a history of depression increases the risk of developing postpartum depression. An unhealthy relationship with your spouse, job stress, lacking social supports and financial problems are also factors in developing postpartum depression in men.
South Asian men who have a strained relationship with their parents or who experienced a difficult childhood are at more risk for becoming anxious about being a father which acts as a risk factor for postpartum depression. Finally, many South Asian fathers feel excluded after the baby is born, as the primary relationship becomes that of the mother and new baby. Fathers are not included in the most intimate act of feeding and nourishing the child and seem to have limited meaningful contact with the newborn as the baby sleeps for most of the day. This feeling of exclusion and lack of connectedness between the mother and baby also acts as a catalyst for developing postpartum depression in South Asian men.
Also to consider is that up to 50% of men whose wives experience postpartum depression will also experience it themselves.
Do I have Male Postpartum Depression?
Take this assessment, developed by Postpartum Men to identify the symptoms. Research is showing that the emotional health of fathers is crucial to the healthy development of children so it is essential that both mother and father address any emotional needs that they have. Just because you did not carry or deliver the child does not mean you cannot be depressed afterwards.
I’m a South Asian Male and I have Postpartum Depression. What do I do?
Talk to your physician or a mental health professional right away to develop an appropriate treatment plan for yourself. This may include a combination of counseling and/or medication. Don’t miss out on the most precious time of your family’s life with the brand new baby. Depression is not something you can will away and will only get worse if left untreated. With proper treatment, you can go on to live a happy, healthy life and be a healthy role model to your brand new baby.
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