Working towards a healthy relationship requires learning how to communicate better with your partner, having a strong friendship as the basis of the relationship, and learning how to argue effectively, among other things. Equally important is the ability for self-reflection.
So often, especially when we are angry with our partners, we tend to misjudge the situation and put more responsibility on our partner for the problems and take more credit for the solutions than is actually the case. To best help your relationship, it is crucial to work out issues with your partner as well as take some time to do some self-reflection. Doing only one or the other is like expecting a doctor to help you lose weight without you making changes yourself to your diet or exercise routine.
To help you work toward creating a healthier relationship, answer the following questions honestly for each of the emotions: angry, sad, happy, frustrated, worried, rejected, disappointed.
1. What makes me feel these emotions in this relationship?
2. Does anyone else make me feel these emotions the way that my partner does?
3. How do I react when I feel each of these emotions?
4. Who else in my life reacts the same way I do with these emotions?
5. When I feel each of these emotions, what experience in my childhood does it remind me of?
In the next few articles, we will present an example of a couple with a history of marital stress and how improved their relationship by engaging in healthier communication styles, increasing their empathy for each other, and engaging in self-reflection.
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